i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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