Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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