I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I need water and some morals
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
