so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
