I have demons in me.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
