tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
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