Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I still have a little drunk in my system
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
