The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
