none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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