Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
