running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
