Pregnant stripper...not hot.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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