I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
