I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
