i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
