Kareoke will never be a sober sport
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
