How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
he wants to bone in the snuggie
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
