Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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