Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
