i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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