There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Randomize
