I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Randomize
