Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
