i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
