I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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