He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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