Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
