I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
