'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
