So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
