Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
