idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
