we have officially lost it.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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