Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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