i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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