Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
