I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
