who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
