I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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