It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
