Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
