At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
