So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
