i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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