Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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