I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
