Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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