I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
