I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
