Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
