I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize