dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
