Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize