maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
