I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
my poor anus
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
