But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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