why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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