then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
