Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Randomize
