My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
