when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
