bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
