So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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