did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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