In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
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