I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
My vagina just recognized that song.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
