The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
