y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
