im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
