I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
