My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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